Documentary On One: 'There is evil in the world and I know this because I fought it to live.'

On the evening of November 20th 2024 a young Irish-American student named Devin Riordan was at his University campus in Florida. Alarms started to go off, at first one and then every siren on the college grounds. What Devin didn't yet realise was that a gunman was roaming the campus and he was shooting Devin's fellow students. What's more, the woman who he called that night, his mother Nadia Ramoutar, had years before also nearly died at her own university in Florida.

This week's Documentary on One charts the lives of a mother and son whose experience mirrored the troubles their country was dealing with - until they finally could take no more and left for the relative safety of Ireland. Nadia Ramoutar introduces In Search of Safety below - listen to it above.

Perhaps, there is a night in our life that truly changes everything for us. Hopefully for you it was a wedding, falling in love, a graduation ceremony or something beautiful. For me, it was a night when I was abducted and almost murdered as a university student in the United States.

There is a part of me that dreads the airing of this story and is not sure if I will actually be able to listen to the details of the night I was almost murdered and raped, but then again, it was my idea to tell this story to the world. Why? Because within me there is a hope that by being open about the nightmare I survived, other listeners might find some solace. There may be a place within my story where courage, forgiveness, anger or even acceptance can creep in for someone who is struggling still. I hope that the silver lining of my story is that there can be joy and even peace after unimaginable trauma. Part of my life's work now is to offer that glimmer to other people.

We can't fight evil if we don’t think it exists.

In working with Donal O’Herlihy at RTE on this documentary we spent many hours together in the studio with a recording mic in front of me but, behind that mic I was met with such compassion, intelligence and caring from him. It gave me the encouragement to keep going. In the bizarre mystery of life my worst nightmare happened when my oldest son, Devin was caught up in a mass shooting on an American University campus when he was a student there. They say lightning doesn’t strike twice but it did for me. I was watching the situation live on CNN on the television and talking to my son at the same time the shooter was active on the campus. It was surreal. Though that word is not even big enough to encompass the pain of that experience, which feels powerfully strong within me even still.

It appears that the world has an even greater thirst for violence than ever before and that awareness motivates me to keep questioning why. In sharing all this I realise how fortunate I am that I get to tell my story, and that I got to keep my precious son. I know so many people facing stranger violence do not live. I am deeply and profoundly grateful for the gift of life. I know that I still have bad days sometimes and I can be triggered with PTSD in casual situations, but I am also aware that each day is a gift.

There is evil in the world and I know this because I fought it to live. I am not someone who would use a word like that casually but I know that my life was never the same after I faced it as a 19-year-old. Then, I thought I wanted to be a journalist and bring justice to the unseen and unheard. Perhaps, in some way I still do this. I found the courage to speak when my voice trembled because we need to do more to protect innocent people. We can’t fight evil if we don’t think it exists. It is not fair to put the burden of recovery on victims who are crippled with emotional and often physical anguish. There are headlines for a day and then suffering for decades when victims do not get resources to help them reclaim their lives. The cost of violence in our world is too high and the burden falls on the wrong people and children. Justice needs revamping.

I often say that the man who tried to rape and kill me went to prison, but so did I. I lived for many years in trauma, both waking and sleeping. I know that many other people do too and this story is for them. I want people to know that there is no easy way out but there is one. This is the beauty in being a survivor and it can in a strange way now find material in the shadows for a creative life. I cannot implore people enough to do what helps them to feel safe in their own body and homes again. I am here as a spokesperson for those who will never be able to tell their story of how their innocence was robbed blindly from them. I know that for many the prison cell door is still very firmly locked and in some cases rusty for victims.